challenging weekend

I went on a church retreat this weekend- and I was worried about food. I was over on my points each day, but I just chose to use my "bonus" points.

When I checked the scale this afternoon, I was still moving in the right direction!

There were a MILLION snacks in the cabin I was staying in, but (for the most part) I did really well making decisions. One time when everyone was eating spinach/artichoke dip, I ate (all of the) grapes.

Two small issues:
1. Brookside Chocolate Covered Pomegranates. Oh dear lord. You can get them at Costco. They are life changing. 4 points per serving- but only 1 point in 5. I think I 1 pointed my way through quite a few points!

2. Saturday afternoon, the cooks made a cheese log w/ raspberry chipotle sauce. Oh. My. Word. It is one of my favorite things. I was just going to have one "crackerful". ....14 crackerfuls later... I was feeling a little sick. I decided to let that just be my dinner, so I don't think I blew it as badly!


But, a great weekend- ready for the next 2 days to be FAB!! REALLY wanting that 10 pound sticker!!

Not what I was hoping for

Weigh in today. Not quite what I was hoping for, but down none-the-less!

I was down 1.2.
Putting me at a total of 9 pounds in 2 weeks. Nothing to frown at.

I'm trying REALLY hard to not be disappointed. I just gotta stay focused!!

I don't want to write anymore. Sorry.

back to work

Today felt pretty good- until I looked at my points at the end of the day- and I was already at 20! That left 12 more for dinner. Which is fine, except that I have been a snack master the last few days- especially in the evening.

But. I was able to man up and make dinner for a total of 8. Yay me. It was VERY vegetable-y. Broccoli, peas and corn, and carrots. Totaling in 2 points. U.A.

Planning to go work out here in a minute- but I'm watching the end of Enchanted with my mom.

Weigh-in tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous. My goal is to be at 10 pounds tomorrow. Which would mean I had to lose 2.2 pounds. Not sure if I have that in me. I'm hoping! Gotta get a lot of water in tonight- did NOT even get close to what I need at school today. It's funny how being at home has it's benefits (drinking lots of water) and it's drawbacks (snacking incessantly)- and school has them too. School's benefits are not tempted to snack at all. I can't. I'm in the classroom. I eat what I brought. But I drink like two sips of water during the day. It's terrible.

Weigh in tomorrow!! Ahh!

just another manic monday

I didn't work again. I swear to you that I have a job! We had a random holiday today. It was nice to sleep in... AGAIN.

But, I got up this morning and had a KICK ASS work out.
I did Biggest Loser's Weight Loss Yoga. Holy. Crap.

It hurt. I sweated. I burned.
I loved it.

You can customize it so it'll be 30-60 minutes, so you can build on it as you get stronger. Bob teaches it, so I think that makes it even better.

My plan is to this 3 times a week- and cardio 3 times a week. I'm gonna work up to that, but that's my BIG plan.

the reason I'm single

It's Valentine's Day. A day that was fun to hate when I was younger, but as I get older, it just makes me sad. I was alone for the day. I had things to do- and felt loved by people. But- in the sense of Valentine's Day- I was alone.

It got me thinking.

For my whole life, I have blamed being single on the fact that I am fat. I have blamed not having dates on being fat. I have blamed always being the "best friend" on being fat.

And I whole-heartedly believe that my weight is a huge factor. Men are visual. And I am not visually appealing. I am not what most men want to look at. So, it doesn't matter what I'm like as a person- they can't even get past the outward appearance. I have tons of guy friends, and I know that they love me- but I think that they don't even put me in the "date" category because I'm fat.

There is a fear in my heart that I will lose weight- and still be single. And then I'll have to take the pain and time to figure out what there is about me that needs to changed at that point. My fear is that there is MORE that needs to be worked on. Not that I'm afraid to become a better person, but that there is going to be some huge flaw that is revealed if I lose weight.

I think it's because I have a friend who lost 80ish pounds- and then totally lost her mind. She started drinking and partying 4-5 nights a week and having sex with people with reckless abandon. I don't want to be her. I want my personality to be close to what it is now- but just coming from a thin body.

I guess that's a decision I have to make. I'm just afraid of blowing it.

snow! bored!

It snowed here! Which is a big deal for Atlanta!

But, I haven't done anything- and I have been SO bored today.

I made some good decisions today. My mom was making dinner for my whole family- parents, bro and his fam, and me. I have a sister, but she's away in college.

My mom is always really good about counting the WW points in everything she cooks- so I knew that there were 9 points in a serving of Spaghetti Pie. Which-btw- is amazing.

I really didn't want to use 9 points on that, so I had to think through it. I decided to make a can of peas (1 point for the whole can) and eat that before the meal even began. Kinda weird to walk around eating green peas, not your typical "snack". Kept thinking. My mom had made a salad to go with dinner, but I knew that salad dressing would be more points- so I made a side of green beans to share.

When it came time to get my food, I cut a smaller-than-a-portion size piece.

So all good choices! More veggies, smaller portions, extra water. BRILLIANT. And it wasn't hard, it just required thought!

ugh. again.

Stayed home from work today to go to the doctor. Evidently, I also decided to eat all day. booooooooo.

FIFTY-THREE POINTS.
That's 21 over. Thank goodness for bonus points!

Yes. I wrote everything down.
Yes. I know that tomorrow is another day.
Yes. I will move on.
Yes. I know that it's ok.

In my defense, I went out to eat.
In my offense, I did NOT plan to go.

On another note. Saw Valentine's Day. GLORIOUS.

iWatchr

My favorite thing about doing WW in 2010 is that I have an iPhone. And there is an app for that.
WW makes their own app, but you have to subscribe to the official online stuff in order to really take advantage of the app. HOWEVER.
iWatchr is an app that is UH-mazing.

You can enter your amount of daily points, and it counts toward that all day. You can enter your food and the points and it totals it up for you!

So, you can see that today was a good day! Supposed to be at 32, but close enough! I'm trying!!
My favorite feature is that on the main screen, it keeps a little badge posted to show how many points you've used so far. Or you can change it so it counts down to how many you have left. Which ever works for you. I love it!
Another awesome feature is that it has a calculator built in! WW sells one (and all of my friends have it), but I love this bc I need it all the time- and I ALWAYS have my phone.

And see that little "bonus" button? That's how you calculate your exercise- and then it'll combine it with your day's record! So great!! Def need to USE the "bonus" button more!!

YAY!!

Weigh in!

I LOST 7.8 pounds!!

I am SO excited!
There was only one person who did better than me, but everyone in my group lost weight!

I am so excited about my loss! Halfway to my 5% goal! That is ridic!

Since I'm down to 269.4, I had to drop a point off of my daily goal. Which is good! An exciting way to have to eat less!

One of my goals this next week is to eat more vegetables (didn't really pay attention this past week) and exercise more!

wishing I was with Bob and Jillian

I have had two good days of eating, but haven't worked out anymore.
We weigh in tomorrow, and I'm wishing I was having a last chance work out with Bob and Jillian on Biggest Loser. I know I've lost weight, but I want it to be big. I don't have to "win the weigh in", but I don't want to be "below the yellow line". If you don't watch Biggest Loser, then you have no idea what I'm talking about. I LOVE BIGGEST LOSER. It's my favorite show on TV. I'm totally obsessed with Bob and Jillian.

Most of my WW group is your average, overweight mom. Most are probably 40-60 pounds overweight. There is one "thin" woman- but she wants to lose about 15 pounds- to get back to her "normal" weight. There is one very overweight man- he probably needs to lose about 150-200 pounds to meet his goal weight. Since I need to lose 100-150, I put myself more in his group than the other.

My official WW goals are at 10% and 5%. My first goal is 14 pounds, and the second is 27. I haven't decided my "official" goal- trying to stay focused on the 14 first. Once I meet both of those goals, then I'm gonna let myself think about BIG GOALS.

Weigh in tomorrow! Wish me luck!!

excercise!

I know I'm fat, but I do understand the basic principles behind losing weight.

Eat less.
Move more.

These few days have been all about doing the eating less part, but today I went and worked out. Not a lot. But more than I have been doing.

30 minutes of cardio. Starting small. OBVIOUSLY. Did the elipitcal- which I like, but I am so fat that it's just hard. I know it won't be easier until I'm smaller, but that doesn't make it any easier today.

Food was good. Exactly the right amount of points today

ohmyword

Today I ate.
and ate.
and ate.
and ate some more.

It was like I lost all control.

HOW-THE-FREAK-EVER.

I wrote everything down. And too it out of my bonus points. In WW, there are 35 bonus points that you can eat any point during the week. I ate TWENTY of those points today.

And it's not like I had something good- it was all "trying to be healthy" things, but OHMYWORD there was a lot of it.

Tomorrow is another day. Fresh start.

The hardest thing about today was eating enough points. Fridays are long days for me at work. I go early, so by the time I leave at 430, I've been there a long time.

I thought I was gonna to go eat dinner with a friend before we went to a movie, so I planned my day to leave enough points for eating out. We ended up being too late to go to dinner so, it was just Dear John (which I loved) and no eating out.

So, I ended up 4 points shy of my "goal", but I wasn't going to just eat to eat. Ya know?

the first real day

Last night, I let myself have "one last night" of eating. And I did it right :)

But, today I'm writing everything down.

That's my main goal this week. My WW lady says that more people lose who write everything down and attend meetings. So, those are my two things I MUST do. Even if I cheat, I am going to write it down. Every bite.

One day down.
A lifetime to go.

I have a feeling that I'll never be able to stop writing everything down.

Do skinny people do this? I am truly curious. If you're skinny, I'd like to know.

Like a moron, I had to eat out on my very first day on WW. Dumb. Dinner at the home of my friends.
But, I made it. Just watched my portions really closely. Mimiced the food habits of my skinny friend that I was eating with.

As an evening goes, it was so great. I loved being able to sit with my friends and just talk. They're married w/ two kids, so it was a totally different atmosphere than my normal life, but I loved it.

Made it a whole day.
Go me!

I can't believe I'm doing this...

I am 29 years old, and I have been fat my entire life. Well, obviously not my ENTIRE life, but the entire time that it's mattered. I remember being the fat one in elementary school.

I "played soccer" in the 4th grade, and I was the fat one. I started to swim the summer after 5th grade, but I was the fattest one in my age group. When I moved in middle school, it took me longer to make friends because I was trying to not be the fat girl. In the summer after 8th grade, I bough shorts from Aeropostal because they sold shorts in a size 15- unlike any other stores at the mall. In high school, I was never asked to one dance. I only went to my senior prom because I asked my friend to take me. It was in college when I started to wonder if I was going to be able to fit into seats. It never happened in college, but I started wondering then.
It's never "happened", but most chairs are too small for comfort.

Today I joined Weight Watchers at my school. I teach school- don't attend.

I have done this before. Twice to be exact. I've lost weight both times, but I lost more the first time. I was in high school, and I lost almost 40 pounds. The second time around wasn't as successful, but I did lose some weight. I've dieted other times as well, but never lost more than 40ish pounds.

As of my first Weight Watchers (WW) meeting, I weighed 277.2 pounds.

I am 5'4''.

So this is an astronomical amount of weight.

I am 29.

I am single.

I am occasionally happy.

I am going to try to lose weight.
Join me?